Yesterday, the day before, the day before that, and days upon days before those have resulted in a grand total of – not much. Not much when it came to working on the latest project. Not much when it came to adding new words, plot points, figuring out my characters next move. Talk about confusion, disarray and angst. Here I am with one hundred and ten pages of this latest work, and having a real time moving it forward. I have all these ideas in my head that won’t transfer onto “paper,” or when they do, I hit the delete key, and <poof> they are gone.
Then, instead of persevering, I find myself using the excuse of drifting around on FB, blogs, writing flash fiction, working in the yard, or… taking pictures.
Yeah. Taking pictures. Yet, while I’m doing all of this other stuff, I’m thinking about writing. I can’t say I’m stuck. It’s not that. I don’t know what it is, but every time I open the ms and begin to work, I shut down mentally. I tap out a few words and stare. I re-read what I have, hoping it will spark the “zone,” but I’m so far out of it, I feel like I need a map, or ought to be able to Google “where’s my zone?”
In my last post, in the last paragraph I said I write “at will.” Which generally means, I sit down and write when I feel like it, which since this whole thing started has been every single day for the past three years. Then I took that break in mid October. I didn’t touch my project for two weeks – not once. Maybe I’m the sort of writer who can’t take those long breaks when I’m in the middle of something. I wouldn’t know because after finishing the first project, I went right to the second, hot and heavy on the schedule. Then, I fired up a third, and after a few hiccups, here I am. Eight months into it, and…, feeling sort of uninspired at the moment.
Someone said, “Maybe you’re burned out. Maybe you ought to take a break.”
“But…, I just did.”
“Well, maybe you need a longer break.”
“Wait. I can’t take off time indefinitely. I’ve got only a finite amount here, whether I like it or not.”
So, today, I’ll open the ms up (after I get off this blog! 🙂 ) and get to work. Each day I do this, I say to myself, look, don’t open FB, don’t visit any blogs just yet, (I’ve already cheated there!), and don’t be so flipping critical of where you are with this story at the moment. Just write, no matter what.
Just write, no matter what? Does that work for you?